Apologies!

Hi loves! I promise that I have not fallen off the wagon. I know that I haven’t written a blog post in FOREVER, but life has been extremely busy. I’ve been working a lot lately and have a crazy time crunch until next Thursday. I promise I’ll do some writing after that. ūüėė I’ve still been making time for workouts even with my busy schedule. So my apologies for slacking on posts. I’ll be back! 

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Fat Shaming

There has been a lot of talk around social media about fat shaming the past week because of a comedienne’s video and numerous famous people’s responses. I haven’t watched the video, nor do I recognize the woman, but it has been much talked about. Fat shaming is nothing new. And honestly, it’s not really helpful.

I have been labeled as “fat and lazy” by numerous strangers and some so-called friends over the years. I’ve been told that cardio is for my own good. In high school, a boy I had a crush on told me that maybe I should be introduced to a slim fast. When I signed up for a MySpace account (don’t judge me, it was 2005), I was featured as one of the cool new people of the week. I ended up deleting my account because of the myriad of messages I’d get from strangers opining about my size. Fat whale was one description by a guy in California (yes, I still remember). At a college football game, I got into an argument with a man who had encroached on our space, blocking my view. His only comeback was “shut up you fat bitch.” Unfortunately, back then I went to the bathroom and cried instead of standing my ground.

Yes, I am fat, but those that know me, know that I’m not a very lazy person. To make that assumption about me simply because I’m fat is patently incorrect. The reason that I’m fat has to do with a variety of factors, a lot of them mental. If you’ve read my blog, you know a lot of my history and struggle.

For all those who say they fat shame to help: ¬†All those times I was fat shamed never once encouraged me to lose weight and get healthy. It made me feel awful and then defiant. ¬†Sometimes it had the opposite effect and I’d gain even more weight and then be really hard on myself because I had failed. It makes me feel really defensive and instead of having a productive conversation about my health, I shut down. Not helpful.

I understand that people want to be helpful and encouraging and that is not what I’m talking about.¬† Addressing someone with so much¬†negativity and without any constructive discussion – how does this help?

I just wanted to set the record straight: Fat does not always equal lazy.

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And now it’s September

Where in the world has 2015 gone? We are entering the ninth month, and I am a little in disbelief that it is already September. I apologize for letting August go without a lot of posts, but the past couple of weeks have been busy and unexpectedly rough. ¬†My sister had a baby toward the end of August which was absolutely wonderful, but emotional. I’ve been busy helping with my two older nephews and somewhat with the new little one. Needless to say, I blinked and September was upon us. Then I experienced an emotional setback. I’ve been handling this whole broken-heart thing pretty well, but there’s always a catch. ¬†The problem with putting on a brave face is that you try to¬†ignore the fact¬†that your heart is broken. I know that it will heal in time, and it has been two months since the breakup. But how much time is enough? I know it is different for every person, but I just want to be over it already. So I’ve been forcing myself to be over it. Well, love doesn’t work like that. I’ve been okay for the past six of the last eight weeks, but this past week it hit me. He’s dating someone, and I’m not taking it well. I’ve been sad, and I’ve been mad. And I feel pathetic which isn’t really fair. Of course it brings up a host of insecurities, and I hate it! ¬†I’ve had a lot of anxiety about it the past few days, and so today I hit the gym. It instantly made me feel better which was nice. As soon as I woke up this morning, I laced up my sneakers and it felt good to have a plan. I got in some cardio and then did weights with my workout buddy. It felt good. It felt¬†nice to be in control of something. It felt nice to throw some weights around. I really hate being in this weird emotional place right now. I’m not the best a dealing with emotions, and I know that this post is not the best, but it’s where I’m at. Life isn’t picture-perfect and love ain’t like the movies. So here we are, and now it’s September.

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