I wish I may, I wish I might

I have no idea what kind of man I’m going to end up with for the long-haul, or whether I will end up with one at all. I can’t foresee the future. However, my travels over the past week have really driven home that if I do ever get married, I hope I am sensical enough to choose a partner who has a love of a travel too and a desire to see things outside of our own backyard. This thought may seem out of the blue for some of you, but over the past few months (since March actually) someone had my thoughts turning more and more to imaging a future of marriage and starting a family and what my life would look like with someone else in it. This all sounds so crazy, I know. However, doesn’t love make us all a little crazy. And it is probably not a bad thing that this person woke these feelings inside of me, even though things didn’t work out with him. For so long, I never really saw it or imagined it. And now, here I am thinking of a future where I want a serious relationship, and I do hope that it will be with someone who will explore the world with me.

 

PS: To the one who currently has my heart tied into knots and has me wishing I was in a relationship, I think this song says it all: Please by Bette 

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Fashionista Maybe

I am not a very fashionable person. I usually dress for comfort and fashion be damned. Here lately, I’ve alluded to struggling with body positivity. These days, I seem to find myself struggling with a lot negative thoughts about myself and struggling with confidence. However, today I am loving my look. I’m attending a small group working meeting with colleagues across the country and the dress is more casual. I’m rocking a new blouse that I got at the Walmart in West Memphis, Arkansas of all places. I stopped in for a phone charger on my way home from Arkansas and ended up leaving with three work blouses and a dress. Score! 

I’m not posting this picture to brag but mostly to take pride in the victory of self-confidence. I have my battles even though I am a confident person for the most part. So this picture is more a reminder for me. A reminder that I’ve need a lot here lately. I am Kaycee. She is beautiful. 

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Cake and Confusion

I had a fabulous time at the wedding last night. I ended up drinking a little too much champagne and indulging in wedding cake, but I spent a fabulous night with dear friends who I haven’t seen since I moved. I always get emotional at weddings. I can’t help it. Last night was no different. Although I did wish there was a certain someone at the wedding with me, I didn’t let it ruin my evening. I felt beautiful, and seeing my friends was balm to my soul. I didn’t realize quite how much I missed them. I had fun dancing and my back didn’t bother me. It was a good evening. And did I mention I had wedding cake. Yum! I got up this morning and drove back to Nashville. I’m currently doing laundry and repacking my suitcase to fly out at 6 in the morning for a work trip.

As I sit here and wait on my yoga pants to dry so I can pack them, I have a confession to make. I am utterly confused about a current situation with the one mentioned above (and I confess to still missing in previous posts).  He contacted me this week. Things haven’t changed, and I remain steadfast and determined to keep the boundaries up unless there is a marked changed. However, I did respond to his text messages because well, I’ve missed him. And then, Thursday night he just completely disappears mid-conversation. No answers to my texts since then and my calls go to voicemail. I am worried, and I hate that I am worried about him but I am.  I’ve been ghosted on before but this all seems out of character for him and strange. Maybe he’s blocked me. If so, that’s a first for me too, and I’m not really sure why he would (again, it was mid-conversation). But what can I do? So I hope he’s okay, and I’ll continue to try to go on with my life as I was before he reached out to me last week. I guess I just had to voice my confusion and hurt before doing so – create my own closure. It really sucks though. I overanalyze everything anyway, and this has been on my mind all weekend. I’m sure y’all think I’m crazy. I certainly feel like I am.

Other than packing, I am distracting myself with research on where I’m going for work with plans to do a lot of walking and strategizing ways to eat healthy while traveling. Last week, I was pretty good about curbing my sugar until the wedding cake incident this weekend. Damn, sugar is a hell of a drug. I’ve had cravings for sweets all day today! I’ll keep y’all posted on my travels and how I’m doing. Hopefully I’ll have pretty pictures to post from my adventures too.  For now, here are some pictures from the wedding.

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Maytastic

I owe you guys an update on my life. The week following my birthday has been so busy but so much fun. I had a great time going to a concert with a good friend and then coming home to go to my first Steeplechase. Apparently I danced all over the place that day.  It was a perfect day of making new friends and engaging in shenanigans. I had a blast. 

Last Sunday, I pulled my back sweeping. That part has not been fun. I’ve been in a lot of pain and had to take it easy all week. Now I’m writing to you back in Little Rock, Arkansas. I spent all day with my nephews and the rest of my family yesterday. Today, I’ll attend a dear friend’s wedding and catch up with old friends. I’m pretty excited. 

However, a certain person has been weighing on my mind lately. I’m trying to do my best to get over him and move past it. He makes that hard though. He was supposed to be my date to this wedding. I got a little carried away and RSVP’d plus 1, and now I’m going alone. Although I’ll have a fabulous time and will be surrounded by friends, I wish he were here. So there’s that. 

Have a beautiful weekend, guys. I can’t wait to be a dancing machine tonight at the wedding. Hopefully my back will cooperate! I also can’t wait to get all prettied up! 

In the process of getting pretty!

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It Doesn’t Mean I’m Lonely Cause I’m Alone…

Y’all know the app Timehop? If not, it’s an app that basically gathers all your social media posts and photos in your phone and reminds you of what you were doing on this day in years past. I’ve got it on my phone, so yesterday and today it has reminded me of my past few birthday celebrations the weekend before my birthday (my birthday is tomorrow – I’ll be 33). And it showed a lot of memories of the past two birthdays that I spent with Mars (my ex). Looking back and thinking of that time with him and looking at the pictures of us, didn’t trigger sadness or nostalgia like I thought it would. Instead, it simply highlighted to me how much happier I am that I am no longer in that relationship. It was 100% not right for me, and I can finally see clearly and realize that. I will reflect on that as I begin another year in this crazy life of mine. I am so grateful that I followed my heart and my gut no matter how hard it seemed at the time. Although not every day is blissful and carefree, I am happy. I’m also grateful that I was able to open my heart to someone new after Mars, because honestly it took a really long time for me to be ready to do so, and I wasn’t sure that I could. Even though that new relationship didn’t work out, I don’t regret it. 32 had some big changes and surprises. I can’t wait to see what year 3-3 holds!

 

PS: My knees are killing me tonight after dance class. I burned 986 calories, but I think my knees are reminding me that I’m turning another year older. Okay knees, I get it.  Cut it out!

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Hot Child in the City

This week I have been balancing my workouts with play. I’ve lifted three times this week, got in a night of hip hop cardio, and did a lot of walking yesterday. I’ve been going out a lot to watch the Predators play in the Stanley Cup playoffs (hockey for all my non-sports fans). It’s been a fun week of socializing. I’m trying to make a conscious effort to balance my eating while out with the healthy eating I do at home. 

This week has also been full of delicious flirtations. Although, I’m still missing the one I said goodbye to (unfortunately a lot), I’ve been putting myself out into the dating world. And I’m on fire! Never in my life has my mojo been this strong, and I’m having an absolute blast! 

Speaking of mojo, I bought a super hot bikini yesterday. I’ve been battling body love here lately, so I decided to treat myself to this hot pink little number. Hot Child in the City, indeed. 

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A Walk in the Park

I wanted to start May off on an active foot so I scooped up my best friend and her little girl and we decided to Park hop around Clarksville. Our first stop is Rotary Park. My goal is to get them both out of their comfort zone. 😜 Happy Sunday and Happy May (the best month ever) friends! 



Update: 

We had fun on the trail and C-baby and I did some interval runs. We stopped to play on the playground and went and grabbed snacks for a picnic lunch. Now we’re going to explore some other trails here at the park. As C-baby exclaimed, “It’s a lovely day.” 


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