Balance

Recently I’ve been grappling with a lot of emotional stuff related to my love life. I found out some things about a man I love, and I’ve been trying to process it all. It’s been difficult for me, to say the least. I’ve never been very good about opening my heart and being vulnerable with someone, and I was more so with him than anyone. So my heart feels pretty wide-open right now and that is petrifying.  On top of that, I recently got a promotion at work so my stress level at work has been a little higher than usual. But, I am very excited about the promotion, and I love what I do. With all that said, I decided to get back to my yoga roots tonight. I hadn’t practiced yoga in some time. I miss the centeredness that I felt when I’d practice and how much I had to work at keeping my head clear and focusing on my breath. If you know me, you know that I’m a worrier and over-analyzer and can get lost in my thoughts – turning things over in my mind. It is hard for me to let things go, and sometimes it can be hard for me to relax. That is why I feel like it is very important for me to start incorporating yoga back into my life.

 

Unfortunately, there were no yoga classes that worked for me tonight at the Y. So I set out to practice in my teeny, tiny apartment. I downloaded a session through my on demand and spread out my yoga mat. It felt good to work on balance and feeling centered. I had to work through some pain. My knee is bruised from where I fell up the stairs at the YMCA on Saturday. Yes, you read that right. I fell up the stairs. I got my clumsy ass up and quickly trotted up to the group exercise room and still managed to rock out to some hip-hop cardio. But back to yoga.  The time went by like no time at all. It came time for my favorite part of yoga – corpse pose. 🙂 However, I forgot how emotional I get when practicing yoga. Really tapping into my center and exhaling all the negative energies and emotions that I usually keep so bottled up. I cried. Anytime I practice yoga with something heavy weighing on my heart, I cry. Usually it is in a dimly lit exercise room at a gym, but tonight it was in my apartment, lying on my concrete floor. As much as I don’t like to cry, I really needed that release. It felt good to stretch and test my muscles while holding poses. I really need to get back to things I love, like yoga, instead of getting so distracted with the busyness of life. Things will always get in the way and demand my time. I have to do a better job of carving out that time for myself.

 

IMG_0218 IMG_0219

 

Also, I just have to brag. I haven’t been grocery shopping in a few minutes, and I really didn’t want to go to the store tonight. I have some baby spinach and portabella mushrooms that were about to go bad. So I decided to whip up a pasta dish on the fly to cook the expiring produce. I outdid myself. I threw stuff together and it actually tasted delicious! I’m a recipe-follower to my core, but tonight I just went with my gut and everything turned out alright. That’s not a bad way to end a Monday, if I do say so myself! (I ended up making sautéed mushrooms and baby spinach with garlic and a balsamic vinegar reduction. Poured that over whole wheat rotini and then threw in some feta cheese and basil. Voila!) Now someone kiss the cook. 🙂

 

IMG_0224 IMG_0223

 

 

Leave a comment

Words for Mike Kilo 

I don’t know if you still read my blog. I don’t know if you still care. I don’t know if you still think about me or wonder what I’m doing. I still think about you. You’ve left quite a mark on my heart, and I didn’t deserve to be carelessly discarded like I was in mid-May. I never took you to be a cruel person, but coming back into my life unexpectedly, giving me hope, and then suddenly exiting it just three days later without any explanation or goodbye was quite cruel. Tonight I sit, trying to forget you. It’s no easy task, I assure you. I still call you from time to time, wondering if you’ll pick up. Really, just hoping to hear your voice. Hoping you’re okay. It’s unbelievably unfair, and I should hate you. But I don’t. I miss you. Being mad at you doesn’t change that. Being mad doesn’t ease the longing or the sadness. I’m mad because you waltzed into my heart and awoke these feelings inside of me, unlike any man before you. I’m mad because I’m no longer okay wandering through this crazy world alone. I’m ready for a partner, an equal. You made me want those things. You made me long for someone’s company other than my own. Yet, now here I sit, all alone and heartbroken. Wondering if you are going to come back. Wondering if I will ever get an explanation. Trying to resign myself to the fact that I may never know. Trying to resign myself to the fact that the last words you texted me will be your last words to me ever. Here I sit, feeling like a crazy person for falling so quickly and intensely. But I can’t apologize for that. I know that everyone else who reads this may think it sounds crazy too. They probably think I’ve lost my mind. But I don’t write these words for them. I write these words for you. So, here I sit…

Leave a comment

A walk in the bend of a bell

Yesterday, I went for a hike/walk around Bells Bend Park. It was hot, but beautiful. Last week, I was in Florida for a work conference. I picked up an ear infection while down there so I stayed stuck inside most of the time. I worked a lot of hours and all my best-laid plans to be active while away fell to the wayside. Between learning, networking, and then working on stuff for the office into the night, I didn’t have time to workout or run on the beach like I wanted.  Anyway, yesterday I was feeling pitiful and sorry for myself so I made myself get up and get outside. I needed that connection with nature. It had been awhile since I’ve had some outside physical activity. It balances me. I took off sans headphones (because of my ear), so it was a rare occasion where I had absolutely no distractions. I even got to see some beautiful butterflies flying around the park. I’m pretty sure I was the only one in the entire park for the first hour. It helped me reconnect with my emotions and really think about some stuff that I’ve been trying to distract myself from thinking about here lately. It was nice to disconnect from my phone, tv, etc. It was a beautiful, clear day to clear my head and listen to my heart.

Leave a comment

Self-Love

I wrote this article a year ago for I Am That Girl. It was a good reminder to revisit those words. Strong mind, Strong body. Let’s get to it! 

My article: 

You Are Not Alone: The Journey to Self Love – I AM THAT GIRL

PS: My update from yesterday – I stayed on track for food and did a lower body circuit. I tried a new exercise called frog kicks. My legs are killing me! 

Leave a comment

Tuesday is for dancing

Short check in here! Food stayed on track. I ate pretty much the same thing as yesterday. Tonight was an hour of cardio at hip hop cardio class. Much, much needed. I’m feeling great, but tired. However, I did almost eat pavement on my way into the gym. The nice, cute guy behind me pretended not to notice. However, we ended up walking out together too. He commented on is going in and out at the same time. We made polite small talk walking down the sidewalk. I, of course, mentioned my almost fall and how he had to have seen it.  He said he did. I exclaimed that I was very proud to have stayed on my feet. He kindly stated that he would have caught me should I have fallen. 😂 Probably the most romantic exchange I’ve had in a while! 

So goodnight loves. Tomorrow is lower body circuits.  😁 

Leave a comment

Monday Check In

I did pretty well today! I got back to my Fitgirl roots and had three delicious and clean meals. 

Breakfast: Glowy Monkey smoothie

Lunch: Party in my Mouth Bowl (chicken, rice, beans, tomatoes, kale, and avocado)

Snack: Iced Coffee

Dinner: Pimped Out Greek Salad (whole wheat pasta, tomatoes, onions, baby spinach, feta cheese, and balsamic dressing). 


I also got in an upper body circuit workout. 

Leave a comment

Sexiness is a State of Mind

I have blogged some over the past month about how I’ve been having body confidence issues. I’ve lost faith in myself at low points and am not happy about weight I have gained since going off of the pill. More and more, I’ve been turning a critical eye on my body. I don’t like the way I look in a lot of my clothes. However, I realized that there are still certain things that make me feel sexy. I’ve forgotten that sexy is definitely a state of mind.Last Tuesday I returned to hip hop cardio after two weeks off (the first week because of my back and the second because I was in Vermont). It felt so good to get back in class, and not just because of the endorphins from a good work out. I had forgotten the feeling and confidence that I gain from that class. No matter what I look like in the mirror at the front of the room, the way my body moves in that class makes me feel so sexy and beautiful. I’m a pretty decent dancer, and I definitely know how to make my body move in a way that gives my curves the glory they deserve. I cannot drive the point home enough, that this sexy confidence does not come from the way I look in the mirror when I am dancing. It comes from the way I feel when I’m dancing — the way that I feel so free and sure of myself and my body. I need this class each week. I encourage each of you, especially those of you with body confidence issues, to find something that you can do for yourself each week where you feel beautiful. Whatever that may be, I encourage you to set aside the time each week and relish in your beauty as only you can. Take the time to do something that makes you feel free.

Coinciding with the return of my hip hop class, was the delivery of my first Gwynnie Bee box. For those of you who don’t know, it is a plus size clothing delivery service where you can keep a certain amount of clothes for a time. You wear them as much as you want and either buy them or return them. It is kind of like Netflix (back when they would mail out the DVDs) for clothes. I had three pieces delivered and loved 2 out of the 3. As much as I love the idea of a tulle skirt (or tutu), I realized that I really hate the way they look on me. The skirt I ended up returning right away was a beautiful lilac tulle skirt. It was gorgeous, but I hated how it looked on me. So back it went. I also got a really awesome and vibrant skirt (with pockets!) and a dress shirt. I wore both last week and loved the way I looked in each of the items. Tomorrow, I’ll get a really pretty Igigi dress that I can’t wait to try. Again, the pieces were beautiful, but it was more about the way that they made me feel. I felt so beautiful and put together in each outfit.  It really drives home the point that sexiness (and feeling beautiful) is really a state of mind. It doesn’t matter about whether someone else thinks you are, it is about whether you think you are. I needed this reminder so much lately. Be who you are and own it. You don’t have to wait for permission to feel sexy and beautiful, and you definitely don’t have to conform to societal standards of beauty.


 

 

2 Comments

Clean Week coming at ya!

Last June, I went off of hormonal birth control for the first time in about 8 years. Unfortunately,  I have gained weight since going off of the pill. It is really frustrating and feels like no matter what I do, I continue to creep up the scale. I had a long talk with my doctor last week and decided to get some blood work done to determine if there’s something up with my hormones. I’m not sure if it is anything or  just the fact that my metabolism is slowing down as I get older. Either way, something needs to change with the way my life has been going in the health department. I have been traveling so much and we all know that one of my biggest struggles is eating healthy on the road. However, this coming up week is a full week where I will be home with no plans. This is a good week to buckle down and do some good clean eating and hit the gym consistently.  That’s exactly what I plan to do before I jet off to Ft. Lauderdale, FL the 14th-18th for a work conference.

I am going to try to post at least a short shout out each day to let you all know that I am staying on track. Hey, it definitely takes a village when it comes to my life. 🙂 Tomorrow, I will do some weights and cardio, Tuesday I’m definitely hitting up hip hop cardio (you know its my fav!), Wednesday is abs and cardio, Thursday probably some more cardio, Friday weights, and Saturday I’m thinking of going biking or kayaking. We’ll see. The point is that I will be eating healthy and moving my body this next week.

Leave a comment