healing

Frustration Abounds

I know that I should be happy that I’m healing and am out of the boot. Last night, I ran for the first time since being diagnosed with the stress fracture. I made it one mile. I’m proud of that. However, my foot was pretty sore. I know the doctor said there would be soreness for another month, but it’s still frustrating. I’m taking things slow and modified plenty of my movements in Zumba tonight. It’s just so much less fun when I’m doing things halfway. I want to jump and kick and do all the moves as if my foot was back to normal. I’m trying not to pout, I promise. I’m just ready to run and dance 100% free. Part of it is fear that I’m going to re-injure myself. I really hope that fear goes away with time.  Two months ago, I never would have thought I’d be talking about my feet so much! Thanks for hanging in there with me!    I’m hanging in there, but there is still that haunting shadow of the boot. 
 

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And I’m FREEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Hopefully not free-falling.  Okay, okay.  I’m conditionally free.  I have been released to only wear the boot when I’m feeling pain or discomfort.  For the next two weeks, I have to wear tennis shoes (or some other stable shoe with laces — unfortunately not heels yet) and still modify my exercise.  I am so relieved to learn that my foot is healing and that in two weeks I can begin to try to run again.  I have to admit that I’m a little gun-shy, and I’m worried that I’ll push myself too hard now that I’m sans boot.  I just have to keep reminding myself that I want to get better and stay far, far away from that retched contraption (aka the boot).  Tonight, I went to body works class and lifted weights.  I modified lunges still and gave my foot breaks if it started to feel sore.  I was careful (for all you people out there who are worried I’ve been doing too much on my foot)! Also, I ran everything by my doctor, and I can still work out – just no high-impact stuff for at least two more weeks.  He said that it will be another month before my foot starts to feel normal again.  I’m okay with that.  The important thing is that I am making progress and healing nicely.  For now, I’ll just rock my hot pink Nikes with my business attire at work.  Tonight I did go up on my foot in plank position on reflex. I quickly modified and ended up completing one single-leg push up! I’m pretty proud of that.  It will just take some additional mental adjustments as I continue to workout while healing.  It felt so weird to have a regular shoe on my left foot tonight. I definitely don’t miss the velcro sounds my boot made when I’d walk.  I’m not burning that sucker, but I hope to put it back in the far reaches of my closet very soon.

 

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Patience is a virtue

When I was a child, my Aunt Nell would always tell me, “patience is a virtue which you must possess.”  She said this to me a lot. Suffice it to say, I am not a very patient person (I think I come by this naturally. I think you would agree if you met my family). It is one of my faults and something I struggle with. I know that I must be patient about my slow progress because I lived a certain way and had a certain outlook on life and opinion of myself for so many years before now. I know that I can’t change seventeen years of behavior in eight weeks. Some days are a struggle not to revert back to the easy and lazy way of living. I’m working hard on 100% believing that I am worth that effort and daily struggle. And these days, struggle it is.

I am no saint. I get frustrated and angry that I have not been rewarded with quick weight loss or drastic changes in my appearance. I’ve done the quick and drastic way before (with the help of prescription drugs or extremely unhealthy eating patterns). It didn’t stick. I know this. So each day I forge on and remind myself that I am changing my life, day by day.

What is really dragging me down right now is my foot and this stupid stress fracture. Yes, stress fracture, I’m calling you stupid. I want you out of my life for good. I want to be able to go back to the gym and do what I want. I miss my Zisters. I’m tired of having to respect the pain and modify my workouts not to upset my finicky foot. I’m tired of having to Windex my boot after a night of cooking because there are unknown juices and stains on my boot.  Plus, the gym has become my happy place, and I miss it. I’ve been taking it easy this week because I’ve had some increased foot pain. The source of the pain is either the aggressive marching I did on Monday (I can’t believe I typed the words “aggressive marching”), sliding around on ice in this boot, or from stretching while lying in bed. I realize that admitting these three things as a source of pain kind of makes me pathetic. Foot pain from stretching while IN BED? Surely not.

However, it is hard not to feel ridiculous this week.  Let me paint you a picture: I’ve been playing a game we’ll call pee-pee chicken.  I lie on the couch and challenge myself on how long I can hold it before finally getting up to go to the bathroom.  I’ve been drinking a lot of water lately, and if I don’t get out of this habit soon, I’m afraid I’ll accidentally pee on the couch (don’t tell my roommate)! Last night I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I was lying on the bed with my legs straight up in the air, trying to take off my pants without putting any weight on my foot.  I’m really glad no one was around to witness that debacle.  Or witness me losing my balance and almost ending up ass-first in the trash can.  Or witness as I’m washing my face and lose my balance with my eyes closed, taking out my shelf in the bathroom because I don’t want to land on my foot without my boot. Ridiculousness abounds.

 

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